Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
