So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
