Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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