Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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