But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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