bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
