Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
