For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
