If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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