U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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