How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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