is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
this hospital has no fireball
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
