The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
