the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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