is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
