He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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