can we get nightvision for the apartment?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
