Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
