Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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