I am in a vortex of obligation.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
