I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
