it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
