Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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