wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
