Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
