He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
