I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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