thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
