the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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