this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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