id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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