mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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