Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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