omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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