oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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