My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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