dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
