I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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