watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
