Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
