suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
