In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we're so committed to being not committed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
