I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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