My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
