I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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