i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
