On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My penis needs a shock collar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
