If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
