His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
