Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
