he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
